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Real Men  June 30, 2005

Jenn/Steve — June 30 @ 12:18pm

Not to detract from the recent offensive filth on this blog lately, I’d like to add some thoughts.

In my last post on Speed Dating, I read a lot of comments about mormon men and how they aren’t as romantic or interesting as non-mormons. I want to set the record straight — there are real mormon men that I admire and that I think are interesting, and perhaps romantic. Case in point: Elder Henry B. Eyring.

Now that’s a real mormon man. He’s strong, clearly very intelligent, a good father and nice man. And tall! I also have to admit, I find the bald thing attractive; basically he’s the LDS equivalent of Patrick Stewart, sans British accent.

Sexiest Apostle?

He is a mesmerizing speaker — he speaks plainly, yet his sentences are graceful. I’ve also heard he’s quite the athlete.

None of those factors on their own would put Elder Eyring ahead of, say, Elder Uchtdorf (growl…!). But Elder Eyring has a secret power that makes him more irresistible than any other. Listen well, single Elders of the Church: Elder Eyring is a real man because he cries. A lot. Almost every talk I’ve ever heard from him ends with him choking up at some point. I’m not sure why, but seeing someone who is that emotionally open and who is so willing to share their deepest convictions is really attractive. I suspect part of it is in the delivery; guys choke up in sacrament meeting all the time, and I’m not impressed. I don’t think it’s frequency of tears, though: my roommate Melanie told me last night that she and Clark were talking, and all of a sudden he started crying. Again, not impressed; Clark gets misty-eyed listening to Coldplay, and was probably just trying to grope Melanie some more on our couch.

No — with Elder Eyring, it seems more real, more earnest. Perhaps it is because I know his intentions and I know he is honorable. Perhaps it is because I have a testimony that he is called of God. I’m not quite sure, but I can tell you this — real men do exist in our church, and they lead it! I’m grateful for it, too, because it gives me hope that there are more like them somewhere out there.


  1. So basically you’re looking for a crying G.A. type? Yikes.

    NFlanders — June 30, 2005 @ 12:42pm
  2. Jenn,

    If your dream man doesn’t have to be quite as tall as Elder Eyring, I know someone you should meet. No joke. This post describes one of my best friends. Email me.

    Melissa — June 30, 2005 @ 12:51pm
  3. First of all, most old men cry at the drop of a hat- its not that special. Second of all, I think you’re projecting onto Elder Eyring what you want to beleive. All you see of him is in Conference, a very controlled setting. Do you really know him? I am sure that he is very nice in person, but crying is a poor criterea to judge manliness.

    Scott — June 30, 2005 @ 12:55pm
  4. Melissa — not ready for a bloggernacle setup! But thanks :)

    Jenn — June 30, 2005 @ 12:55pm
  5. No, Scott. Crying is an excellent criteria to judge manliness by. Real men can access their emotions, as evidenced here.

    Brian G — June 30, 2005 @ 1:07pm
  6. If you don’t know this yet, Jenn, then telling you know probably will not do much good. But here goes: Real men don’t cry.

    DKL — June 30, 2005 @ 1:13pm
  7. Brian, I am not that big of a man to make fun of you, but “Beverly Hills Ninja”? come on.

    Scott — June 30, 2005 @ 1:26pm
  8. Scott’s right, Brian — Beverly Hills Ninja??

    Jenn — June 30, 2005 @ 1:42pm
  9. Scott, Jenn, DKL, and all the rest: I’ll be the first to admit I’m not a real man. I am an unreal man. No one can believe how I can be so sensitive, yet so strong. That’s why all the fine ladies are always telling me I’m unreal. All you pent-up, emotionally repressed and stunted weakling men can kiss my biceps. (I’m so comfortable with my heterosexuality that I won’t mind).

    Brian G — June 30, 2005 @ 1:55pm
  10. Brian, man, holy cow. You are smoking the good stuff today!

    Steve Evans — June 30, 2005 @ 2:11pm
  11. Stop the presses! Did Scott just admit to crying in SINGLES WARD over on Kulturblog?! And he questions my manhood? Do those estrogen injections hurt, Scott?

    Hee hee. Just joking. Big manly straight man hug with a pat on the back.

    Oh, and BTW, Steve. Homegrown, man, homegrown. High is the only way I can read this blog.

    Brian G — June 30, 2005 @ 2:20pm
  12. Jenn,

    How well do you know Elder Eyring? What is the extent of your interaction with him?

    a random john — June 30, 2005 @ 2:42pm
  13. Guilty as charged, although I was “choked up” and not overtly crying. Watch where you’re patting, dude.

    Scott — June 30, 2005 @ 3:42pm
  14. This reminds me once of visiting a company facility in Burbank and at lunch an older single gal was describing the ideal man. The guys all look at each other and started giggling. She wanted to know what was so funny. I blurted out, “oh, I think a few of us know men like that, but there’s a problem.”.

    Steve EM — June 30, 2005 @ 3:58pm
  15. Jenn, have you ever considered going for the divorced cohort? I have a balding, 50-ish, tri-athlete uncle who cries like a baby every time he has to pay alimony.
    Last movie I cried at: The Fox and the Hound. Age 6. You can do better than Brian G., Jenn.

    Greg Fox — June 30, 2005 @ 4:17pm
  16. Like me, for example.

    Greg Fox — June 30, 2005 @ 4:18pm
  17. Lets see, I’m tall — 6′ 5″. I like to think I can form sentences well. And I got all misty eyed in Institute once.

    Of course, that could have been the ball point pen that my friend ruthlessly jabbed into my hand at the base of my thumb, in response to me holding out my hand and asking “Can I borrow your pen?” He must have had a bad day, but he did come with me to the emergency room until 1 AM while I got 5 stitches.

    Erik — June 30, 2005 @ 4:47pm
  18. First, let me say that Elder Eyring rocks. I hope I get to see him leading the church someday. His sensitivity will be needed to undue all the grumpy and insensitive leading that Elder Packer will provide if fate allows. Long live Gordon B.!

    Crying is very effective in talks. One of the least focused and rule-flexing/breaking missionaries I ever knew was a crier when he gave church talks. It almost made me forget about all the wild stuff he talked about, thought about and did the other 167 hours and 45 minutes of the week. —Yet, I am certain that Elder Eyring is nothing like that. However, I do hope that he picked up the habit later on in life. Crying-eyring is not a moniker that any child should have to suffer through.

    Hermey — June 30, 2005 @ 5:18pm
  19. Greg, I may not have the chiseled good looks you have, but I got personality and personality, my friend, goes a long way.

    Brian G — June 30, 2005 @ 5:28pm
  20. In my last post I commented about how polygamy is natural for men. I refrained from saying anything about women. But with Jenn’s post I cannot withhold. Jenn says “there are real mormon men that I admire and that I think are interesting, and perhaps romantic. Case in point: Elder Henry B. Eyring.” “None of those factors on their own would put Elder Eyring ahead of, say, Elder Uchtdorf (growl… !). But Elder Eyring has a secret power that makes him more irresistible than any other.”

    The image of Elder Eyring was slow in loading on my computer. And I noticed something else. She labeled the image “Sexiest Apostle”. How natural it is for righteous young women to desire worthy, mature priesthood holders, men of great stature. If not for the obtusness of the world Jenn would be able to fulfill her greatest desire, having a family with a worthy man. But even so President Hinckley is single. And I think Elder Scott too.

    Aaron B. Cox — June 30, 2005 @ 6:05pm
  21. uh, thanks?

    Jenn — June 30, 2005 @ 6:08pm
  22. Stab me, Aaron is actually right about something. You can verify the “Sexiest Apostle” label by looking at the page source, or looking at the image properties (control-click on the image on my Mac, maybe right-click on Windows?)

    Jenn, is that really appropriate?

    Christian Y. Cardall (TSM) — June 30, 2005 @ 6:26pm
  23. As far as GA’s being bald, it’s much more a Telly Savalas (as Kojak or even Ernst Blofeld) type thing than a Patrick Stewart type thing.

    DKL — June 30, 2005 @ 6:33pm
  24. What about Yule Brenner/Elder Oaks?

    Christian Y. Cardall (TSM) — June 30, 2005 @ 6:36pm
  25. Jenn’s alternate text was “Sexiest Apostle?” not “Sexiest Apostle” or “Sexiest Apostle!” Gosh! Stop committing her to him! Just because Elder Eyring has good crying skills doesn’t mean he should get all the babes. I’ve got skills… I’ve got blogging skills… I’ve got Thai food skills… I’ve got love the Louvre, Uffizi, Orsay and Prado skills… I’ve got recognize all the dumb guys that missed out on Jenn skills…

    Hermey — June 30, 2005 @ 6:42pm
  26. In my time, in or out of the church, most gals were attracted to bad boys. When I threw it all out the window after my mission and became a serial fornicator, treated women badly, even told them what to wear for a date, what perfume I liked, totally controlled the date, wouldn’t take them to chick flicks, etc, I had no problem getting dates with gals that wouldn’t have given me a first look when I was a nice guy. What I’m talking about isn’t a way to develop a relationship, but if you wanted a lot of dates, being a bad boy was the way to go.

    Oh, height helps too.

    Steve EM — June 30, 2005 @ 7:17pm
  27. Aaron, this is like the tenth time you’ve lamented the passing of polygamy. Why don’t you just give it up and go Fundie already?

    NFlanders — June 30, 2005 @ 8:30pm
  28. Is anybody else here wondering whether Elder Eyring is SeptimusH?

    DKL — June 30, 2005 @ 8:59pm
  29. Steve is rite. all the girls say they want a sweet guy who crys but when it comes down to it they are the first out the door when a guy does. Girls like a guy who will give them a bad time. When I used to go to a singles ward the girls would find the biggest jerk and inevetably marry him while 5″ 4″ hairy me couldnt find a date. Ive acepted it now. last time I cried was when I hit my thum with the hammer fixing a fence last month.

    Jared — June 30, 2005 @ 11:34pm
  30. Jared, I’m sorry about you not getting a date, but I gotta tell ya, girls don’t want a guy to give them a bad time. Trust me, those girls that liked the guys who gave them “bad times” are now pissed that it’s not cute anymore and that he’s an actual prick. Keep your chin up (and utilize spell-check) and you’ll find someone who appreciates your hairiness.

    Rusty — July 1, 2005 @ 12:01am
  31. Rusty’s right, Jared. Charm counts for far more than bluster when you’re talking about the chicks that are worth dating–worth “bringing home to Mom” as they say–and dates that are worth having (which precludes, for example, ending up at a hotel that rents rooms by the hour). High quality people don’t tend to waste time persuing relationships with people who don’t share their values; so if you behave yourself, then you’ll be setting yourself up for a wonderful match.

    DKL — July 1, 2005 @ 12:23am
  32. Elder Scott and President Hinckley are both single now…

    Matchmaker — July 1, 2005 @ 7:32am
  33. Elder Eyring’s dad was a much cooler and funnier guy. Not to take anything away from his son.

    annegb — July 1, 2005 @ 8:23am
  34. Guys,
    While I don’t pretend to understand women, I do know what works in general. And most women, yes, including LDS women, are attracted to bad boys who challenge authority, think for themselves, can’t be bossed around, etc. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about on this. Good Joe Mormon RM submissive types are dime a dozen in the church. Break out of that mold. Push the standards. Be cool. Wear your hair a little longer. Don’t shave so often. Sprinkle in some well placed coarse language into speech. Stay in good physical shape and pack it tight and to the right to let women know you’re comfortable with your sexuality, etc. Now, if I had to do it over, I wouldn’t have treated women badly. That step leads to lots of dates, but it’s a bad move if you’re looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage. In other words it’s a bad boy image I’m suggesting, not actually becoming a bad boy.

    Whenever my kids point out how opposite my wife and I are on a particular matter and express surprised we ever dated, let alone married, or how we remain deeply in love with each other, I tell them, “yeah, mom is attracted to bad boys”. One of my middle children recently figured it out; she said, “Dad, you’re not a bad boy, you just want people to think you are.”

    Steve EM — July 1, 2005 @ 8:37am
  35. Steve (FSF): Good Joe Mormon RM submissive types are dime a dozen in the church.

    A dime a dozen? When did the price go up?

    DKL — July 1, 2005 @ 8:51am
  36. NFlanders. What do you mean Fundie.

    Aaron B. Cox — July 1, 2005 @ 2:52pm
  37. George Durant was the best… Eyring looks like a tall Yoda… Oh wait, that’s Hinckley …My bad…

    Hermey — July 1, 2005 @ 3:20pm
  38. Aaron– Fundie means fundamentalist, as in fundamentalist LDS. They have lots of wives.

    You seem unusually preoccupied with polygamy. Perhaps this is because of your ancestry (as you mentioned on the other thread) but I think most people find it frightening. From reading your posts, I get the impression that you believe in the true church of (temporarily dormant) polygamy.

    NFlanders — July 1, 2005 @ 3:33pm
  39. Whoa, I hate to chime in here in support of Steve (FSF), but his #34 is spot on. Most Mormon guys are just plain wimpy. Give me a non-smoking, non-drinking Marlboro Man any day.

    Tess — July 1, 2005 @ 3:37pm
  40. I think that Eyring looks like this elf from Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer

    Lurch — July 2, 2005 @ 3:57pm
  41. This is the picture:

    The Sexiest Apostle?

    Lurch — July 2, 2005 @ 3:58pm
  42. NFlanders. “the true church of (temporarily dormant) polygamy” is a great phrase. I wish I had the way with words to come up with it myself.

    Do you all know those special leather editions Deseret Book puts out. I have one, of Mormon Doctrine. By Elder Bruce R. McConkie. They don’t do that for just any book. About plural marriage it says it is an “enobling and exalting principle.” And most importantly it says “Obviously the holy practice will commence again after the Second Coming of the Son of Man and the ushering in of the millenium. (Isa. 4).” So yes it is dormant now but it shall return.

    Aaron B. Cox — July 2, 2005 @ 8:07pm
  43. “They don’t do that for just any book.”

    Aaron cannot be a real person. I don’t know any person that has ever talked like Aaron; he’s over the top.

    Anyone who gives more credence to a book due to the leather cover is freakin ridiculous. Come on, Aaron. Stop the farce!

    Mike — July 2, 2005 @ 8:24pm
  44. Mike. What gives. Was Jesus whose gospel I follow not real because the world thought him over the top. Was Joseph whose doctrine I cherish not real because the world thought him over the top. Was Elder McConkie not real because not only the world but modern day weak-kneed members think him over the top. Am I not real because I drink from the pure source and refuse worldly influence upon my thinking.

    Now it is true that not everyone uses their true name in setting forth their views to the world. As we know from old editions of the Doctrine and Covenants. Where in some cases the brethren took strange names to protect themselves from the wicked. In connection with this blog let him who hath ears to hear, hear.

    If you need a more modern example. Just reflect, is Ned Flanders real.

    Aaron B. Cox — July 2, 2005 @ 8:38pm
  45. Aaron,

    What you should really get ahold of is a first edition of MD. Don’t accept that filtered 2nd edition. In fact, what you have is actually a 3rd edition, since the 2nd has undergone additional changes. In any case, get yourself the real deal!

    a random john — July 2, 2005 @ 9:35pm
  46. Aaron=Jesus. The circle is complete.

    Dill — July 3, 2005 @ 12:03am
  47. Good! This thread is cheering me up. That is one HOT elf! I bet he can make out like a P-R-O! Don’t ever let the glasses fool you. He’s cute, but the cutest elf in Rudolph is the one that wants to be a dentist. However, now that I think about it, Yukon Cornelius is pretty hot if you like the outdoorsy types, and the Abominable has got it going on too!

    Punky — July 3, 2005 @ 1:13am
  48. My father-in-law is a cryer. It’s really sweet.

    I married a bad boy. But the love of a good woman turned him around.

    Susan M — July 3, 2005 @ 11:56am
  49. From “Sleepless in Seattle”:

    Sam Baldwin: Well I’m not looking for a mail-order bride! I just want somebody I can have a decent conversation with over dinner. Without it falling down into weepy tears over some movie!
    Greg: She’s, as you just saw, very emotional.
    Sam Baldwin: Although I cried at the end of “the Dirty Dozen.”
    Greg: Who didn’t?
    Sam Baldwin: Jim Brown was throwing these hand grenades down these airshafts. And Richard Jaeckel and Lee Marvin
    [Begins to cry]
    Sam Baldwin: were sitting on top of this armored personnel carrier, dressed up like Nazis…
    Greg: [Crying too] Stop, stop!
    Sam Baldwin: And Trini Lopez …
    Greg: Yes, Trini Lopez!
    Sam Baldwin: He busted his neck while they were parachuting down behind the Nazi lines…
    Greg: Stop.
    Sam Baldwin: And Richard Jaeckel - at the beginning he had on this shiny helmet…
    Greg: [Crying harder] Please no more. Oh G–! I loved that movie.

    JA — July 4, 2005 @ 4:20pm
  50. if Yukon Cornelius is cute then I am cute he pretty much looks just like me.

    Jared — July 4, 2005 @ 4:38pm
  51. Jared, does that mean you wear a blue parka, drive a dog sled, and carry a pick-axe everywhere you go?

    Punky — July 4, 2005 @ 6:48pm
  52. Well no but I do lick my tools and say nothin.

    Jared — July 4, 2005 @ 10:36pm

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