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Sabbath Dating  May 30, 2005

Jenn/Steve — May 30 @ 11:49am

“Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.”

One of the great parts about being a member of the Manhattan 3rd Ward, as I’ve recently found, is that we have a TON of activities and get-togethers. Every week there’s an FHE activity, and usually there’s something on Sundays in the form of a fireside or ice cream social. Sometimes, though, all these social activities can make me feel very uncomfortable. Here’s why.

I know that one of the greatest sources of joy in this life is in becoming a wife and mother, and so I feel a great urge to attend my Ward activities and to be a part of the community. This urge, and this greatest calling that await me, sometimes seem at odds with the commandment to keep the Sabbath holy, and so I find myself in the awkward position of juggling these social obligations with the desire to stay close to the Lord. So many of the girls and guys in my Ward show up acting like it’s the prom, they forget entirely that Church is about Christ, not about some sort of meat market. I don’t want to have to act slutty at Church to get dates, and I want to be thinking about the sacrament, not about whether Josh’s* cologne smelled nice (…though it did!). And it’s not just ice cream socials and firesides, either; what am I supposed to do if I get asked out on a date for a Sunday?

It seems that some people have no problem with this issue at all. My roommate Melanie is one of these happy insouciants, dating pretty much every Sunday. She and her boyfriend Clark usually won’t go to movies or restaurants, but they do “hang out” on Sunday nights, and I must admit it’s uncomfortable for me to be reading my scriptures in the bedroom to overhear them kissing and making out on the couch in the front room. But are they sinning? I feel guilty for judging them this way. Secretly I must be jealous; I don’t _want_ to be alone, I just want to do what’s right. It doesn’t seem right to me to wear heavy makeup and suggestive clothing to Church, or to go out on Sunday nights and make out with guys like Melanie does. But I don’t know what’s right here, or what’s more important: to worship God on the Sabbath, or to take the required social steps in order to land a role as a future mother?

*names have been changed to protect the innocent.


  1. Jenn,

    It is a little puzzling that you are disturbed by your roomate kissing on the Sabbath. Can I infer from this that you will not be having sex with your husband on Sunday after you marry? What exactly does intimacy have to do with keeping the Sabbath day holy?

    diet coke — May 30, 2005 @ 9:36pm
  2. Intimacy on the Sabbath doesn’t bother me that much, I guess. I’m more worried about how much we lose track of the Savior on the Lord’s Day. I don’t know how much you can be remembering the Lord when you’re just trying to mack on someone.

    In terms of sex with my husband, we’ll just have to see! :)

    Jenn — May 30, 2005 @ 9:46pm
  3. Nice post Jenn. What about going out with a non-Mormon (wink wink)? We have different rules for us, right?

    Greg Fox — May 31, 2005 @ 9:25am
  4. Greg, you get all the different rules you want! But my body is a temple Greg — no non-members allowed :)

    Jenn — May 31, 2005 @ 9:50am
  5. Jenn, women should consider more than just the blessings they may gain in heaven for marrying a priesthood holder.

    Miranda PJ — May 31, 2005 @ 10:21am
  6. Jenn. Obviously eternal marriage is of prime importance but you should not lose the Spirit by breaking the Sabbath to pursue it. Any man you would find at a sabbath breaking activity would not be worth having. The Lord giveth no commandments save he provideth a way to keep them. You need to have faith that you can keep the Sabbath and will not be held back in your eternal opportunities.

    Aaron B. Cox — May 31, 2005 @ 1:31pm
  7. Aaron, Jenn is asking what constitutes sabbath breaking.

    And many of the men who refuse to attend sabbath breaking activities leave much to be desired.

    Miranda PJ — May 31, 2005 @ 2:41pm
  8. Caught a referal from your website and visited — glad to see a new one here.

    Stephen M (Ethesis) — May 31, 2005 @ 10:35pm
  9. Miranda. She didn’t ask what constitutes Sabbath breaking. She has the Spirit and is judging that rightly. She’s just sad the weakness of those around them tempt her to compromise what she knows to be right.

    You’re right there aren’t many desirable worthy men. Just look around you in church and see how many more righteous women there are then men. Thankfully we latter day saints know there is provision in the Lords plan for this even if the world can’t bear it now. You are fortunate you found your husband, be grateful you don’t have to wait until eternity for yours.

    Aaron B. Cox — June 1, 2005 @ 8:05am
  10. Aaron, that’s so condescending! And weird! What the heck does “latter day saints know there is provision in the Lords plan for this even if the world can’t bear it now” mean? Are you saying/wishing that polygamy is making a comeback in the afterlife??

    Steve Evans — June 1, 2005 @ 9:25am
  11. Aaron - ??!??!!!

    Sue — June 1, 2005 @ 9:40am
  12. Well I see it’s not just the world that can’t bear it now. I guess I’ve said enough, let him that ears to hear, hear.

    Oh excuse me Miranda. Let her that hath ears to hear, hear too.

    Aaron B. Cox — June 1, 2005 @ 10:22am
  13. Avoid dating on the Sabbath by “visiting.” It squares directly with that item from the old “what can we do on Sunday?” lists that we used to make in Sunday School.

    All you ladies need to do is (1) shut yourself in on Sunday, (2) make your shut-in condition known and (3) wait for the gentlemen to start streaming in.

    Fresh-cooked brownies and ice cream should help to fuel the flood.

    Mark B. — June 1, 2005 @ 11:15am
  14. Mark B.– You forgot to mention corsets and dowries–I bet that would speed things up too. Jenn, I agree with some of the comments made earlier that (appropriate) intimacy is not a sin, so I don’t think it’s worse on Sundays than it would be on other days. If the way you’re making out is bad on Tuesday, you probably shouldn’t be doing it on Sunday, and vice versa. But as for your broader question about “dating” on Sundays–is there anything wrong with going to a fireside with a boy? With going for an evening walk? I think the subject of conversation is probably more relevant than the genre of interaction. But I can also see how it would be annoying (and, frankly, a little insensitive) if your roommate monopolized the front room with public displays of affection. Maybe you could talk to her about it, or even better, hang out with them (when they’re not kissing) and be able to spend some of the Sabbath in good company.

    This blog looks like fun! Good job, you guys.

    Naomi Frandsen — June 1, 2005 @ 12:20pm
  15. Naomi, a corset would indeed help a lot, but how do you breathe in those things?!

    I have the sneaking suspicion some other girls in my ward already wear them — how else do you look like a Barbie doll??

    Jenn — June 1, 2005 @ 12:29pm
  16. Good point, Naom-ster

    You know, I always wore a corset when dating. I have no doubt that it contributed greatly to my phenomenal success in all aspects of the “dating game.”

    Besides, it always led to hilarious conversations.

    For example, people would ask me, “does that really help?”

    And I would reply, “of corset does!”

    Kaimi — June 1, 2005 @ 2:06pm
  17. bad-dum-dum pshht!

    Steve Evans — June 1, 2005 @ 2:09pm
  18. Naomi writes:

    Maybe you could talk to her about it, or even better, hang out with them (when they’re not kissing) and be able to spend some of the Sabbath in good company.

    Dude, you need to hang out with them when they are kissing. Take notes! Better yet, get involved! It sounds like you could use a good NCMO. And if it involves your roommate and her boyfriend — so much the better!

    Steve's Evil Twin — June 1, 2005 @ 2:10pm
  19. Jenn, I think your angst is totally misplaced and most likely counterproductive. But anybody who uses the word “insouciants” gets a gold star in my book!

    Rosalynde — June 1, 2005 @ 2:31pm
  20. Rosalynde, misplaced?? I’m sure it’s not productive, but neither is blogging!

    As for “insouciants”…. I just picked that word up the other day. But it has lots of syllables!! :)

    Jenn — June 1, 2005 @ 2:43pm
  21. I agree with Steve’s Evil Twin. When the making out gets hot and heavy, stand by, offer suggestions and, when inspiration strikes, say “Gee that looks fun. Mind if I join in?”

    Mark B. — June 1, 2005 @ 2:48pm
  22. I hereby form the CTGJNN or the Committee to Get Jenn some Nicmo Now. Steve’s Evil Twin and Mark B are invited to join. You know, Jenn, I love you like the little naive sister I never had, but take it from big brother Sep. The Day of the Week is the last thing that makes making out good or bad.

    Plus, the Savior is the last thing you ought to be thinking about. Hell, I don’t even think the Savior would want you to think about Him when you’re making out.

    But keep in there, kid. Love is right around the corner.

    SeptimusH — June 1, 2005 @ 3:29pm
  23. I’m not sure if my wife would approve, SeptimusH. But, thanks for thinking of me.

    Mark B. — June 1, 2005 @ 5:20pm
  24. […] And so, this post is about my roommate, of course. You may remember Melanie. We’ve known each other since I moved to the city, and she has been a good friend to […]

    Pingback by Banner of Heaven  Joys of the Fast — June 7, 2005 @ 2:03pm

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